Do you believe you can change your mindset?
Are you affected by people and events around you?
Life is really about perspective.
red10 ‘s Piers Carter reveals in this article – or in this video – how he realised he wasn’t hopeless – it was his thoughts that were hopeless and needed to change.
Bullying
When I was 13 I was bullied.
A group of 8 or 9 older boys, 5th years (even saying ‘5th yrs’ feels scary still- it meant they were 16 year olds) would hunt me down at school, encircle and taunt me, building up to getting physical with well-aimed punches and kicks. I broke 4 pairs of glasses in a 2-week period. Sometimes I ended up curled up on the floor being kicked until they got bored or break ended and they ran off into lessons. The episode went on for about a month with multiple incidents per week, more if I failed to run away fast enough or hide for long enough.
I hated myself, I hated my friends who abandoned me, I hated the bullies and I cried myself to sleep out of fear.
Give ‘em Hell
As I lay in bed one night, my dad came in sat next to me, he simply said “I know we have always taught you not to fight, but if it comes to it, give ‘em hell – even if you can’t win, just do your best and give it all you’ve got”
Parents out there: I ask you not to judge his parenting. It was the early 80s, in a northern England comprehensive school. Telling teachers or bringing parents in was not a viable option.
For the first time in what felt like years (probably about 10 days) I went straight to sleep.
Walk tall
The following day I went to school resigned to my fate and oddly calm about the inevitable breaktime encounter. I had been given permission to express myself, to allow my body to do the very thing it was craving – making itself safe or at least die trying.
My friends saw me walking into school and said “You’d better hide – Soodle, Fox and the Finch twins are just over there!” (even their names still seem intimidating).
I didn’t bother.
And that was it, they never did it again.
There were a couple of half-hearted taunts, for maybe 1 or 2 days they came looking, found me easily yet the wind seemed to have gone out of their sails.
So, what had changed?
I was no bigger or stronger, I hadn’t been imbued with ninja like fighting skills. It was my attitude, my state of mind, my presence; which had changed. I had let go of the label, the identity of victim and had accepted the circumstance and was prepared to do what was necessary regardless of the outcome.
It wasn’t that I knew I could beat them, on the contrary, there was no way I could overpower eight lads who were two years my senior. I simply knew what I had to do and faced that reality. Apparently, they didn’t like the look of that.
It taught me that wishing for a better experience at any point in life is not as useful as knowing you can handle any experience. It will not always go well. I guarantee it. But I believe I can handle it.
No Unresourceful People – Just Unhelpful States of Mind
At red10 we resolutely believe there are no unresourceful people … just unhelpful states of mind and this influences our approach to coaching. I had direct experience of this when my dad said “Give ‘em hell”.
If you would like to talk to us about creating optimal states of mind, contact us.